Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Boxed In

O.K., I'm going to be the first to admit that I'm a guy who goes on jags. I get obsessed with something and milk it until I hate myself. For instance, this summer, I turned my tiny kitchen into a sauna making pizza several times a week. And gained several pounds. And increased my carbon footprint from overusing my stove. All because I fell in love with Pizzeria Mozza and became obsessed with making the perfect pizza. I failed miserably but it was a delicious fiasco. And just recently I came up with some new ideas that I'm sure will create a new spasm of pizzamania. Stay tuned. My current obsession is boxed wines; not great right now because I have a cold, but kinda great because I'm poor. In concept it's fantastic - two to four bottles of wine for a reasonable price stored in a vessel, i.e., plastic bag with a spigot, that doesn't allow external oxygen which degrades wine. You can store it for weeks on end, it stacks, you're not wasting glass, it's kinda cool looking. But in practice, I'm - to put it kindly - underwhelmed. I should start off by saying that I have a fairly good palate for wine. I have been lucky enough to have access to some fantastic wines and while I don't drink first growth Bordeaux every weekend, I taste a few hundred different wines a year, a couple of which one might consider hoity toity. So I know my Barolos from my Barberas d'Alba. But I'm also not a snob. Good wine is good wine. Which brings me to the box. My first real encounter with boxed wines was in Montreal, where their wine consumption per capita is probably much higher than ours. I remember being surprised at how tasty it was (it was a Frenchy wine). Boxed wine is popular overseas: in Australia (boozers) and Scandinavia, where the alcohol taxes are so high, bulk alcohol sells well. So with the increasing consumption of wine in the U.S., it's only natural that the boxes beyond Franzia should follow. Stateside, it comes in the likes of Black Box, Carmenet, Delicato and Target (via Trinchero). There are others - Hardy's in Australia and some California options, but I haven't gotten to them yet. Here are my impressions of the few I did taste: Target Pinot Noir California 2006 - Short finish, not quite tart, not quite soft. Just kinda there. Very little pinot character, very generic. Gets a C-. Target Pinot Grigio California 2006 - Candied and uninteresting, which was a surprise since a bunch of online reviews gave it high marks. It's like someone took a fair-to-middling Italian pinot grigio and dropped in a Brach's butterscotch. I drank it but I failed to see its charms. Target Cabernet Sauvignon/Shiraz California 2006 - Not bad in my congested state. Soft tannins, but not a pushover wine. A short, pleasant finish, good acidity. Perfect for a grill picnic with a bunch of people you don't care to impress with your wine generosity. Actually, the most quaffible of the bunch. Carmenet Vintner's Collection Merlot California 2003 - I got this at BevMo and was shocked to see it on sale for $9.99. For 3-liters. That's approaching 2 Buck Chuck territory. And back when this label was owned by the Chalone Wine Group, it was pretty respectable, so I was thinking it was going to be a score. In fact, it was a dud. Faded and old in an unpleasant way - but not corked. That doesn't happen with wine in a bag. Imagine the wine equivalent of finding a Kit Kat two years after the Halloween you first received it. It looks like a Kit Kat, it has many of the qualities of a Kit Kat - waxy chocolate, some sort of cookie inside, brown - but it's not at all palatable. But here I am, drinking it. Since the wine is four years old and on sale, I'm guessing that Carmenet is getting out of the boxed wine business and I'm witnessing first hand why. Black Box Wines Chardonnay Monterey County 2006 - This is the first box wine that really tried to set itself apart from the jug wine crowd by saying that it was a "premium wine," whatever that means. It's a tad pricier than the others and it's attached to a wine region, not just a state or country. It's actually a drinkable chard with a pleasant, buttery and slightly piney nose. On the palate, it's oaky and inoffensive with almost no finish and therefore characterless. That's harsh. It's somewhat characterless, but drinkable. __________________________________________ And I suppose that's what you want in a wine that you buy 4 bottles to the bag: Drinkable. I just wish there were more that were. But it's such a niche in the American wine world, I kinda understand. In trying to reach the wine box crowd, they're going medium fastball, straight over the plate. Nothing too acidic, nothing too tannin-y. Therefore nothing too interesting. These wines are the equivalent of Ragu in the early-80s. Here was a watery concoction that resembled spaghetti sauce in some abstract sense, but was engineered to appeal to the entire population. But unlike the presidency, we eaters can choose from a plethora of choices. We can pick plain, zesty, chunky, meaty and all combinations therein. This is fabulously illustrated in a Malcolm Gladwell lecture on taste expert, Howard Moskowitz. Winemakers like DTour are already taking the cue and making boxed wines for a more discerning crowd that still drinks in volume (Holla!). When they make it out west, I'll be sure to let you know how they taste.

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