MFC

Today KFC announced that it would be extending selling its deep-fried meatfest, the Double Down, “for as long as customer demand remains high.” They expect to sell their 10 millionth breadless sandwich by the end of the month. I actually have no opinion about this; I am neither disgusted nor am I more curious about trying one.

It’s really not that surprising that something that combines cheese, bacon, mayonnaise and breaded goodness into one handy package would become a success. It’s basically a fistful of comfort food. I thought I’d try my own version without resorting to an obvious (and admittedly tasty) crutch as bacon. My version takes a much more subtle tack by substituting a thick slab of macaroni and cheese.

In prep, I made a pan of the custard-based mac and cheese I blogged about before. One advantage of this style versus the béchamel style is that it holds its shape when jammed in between two pieces of fried chicken.

I used the hand blender to make some mayonnaise (egg yolk, vinegar, salt, pepper, mustard powder – pour in canola oil while blending until it looks like Hellman’s) and then blended in some red pepper topping and a few dashes of chipotle powder. It’s really, really tasty.
Possibly the best part of the sandwich

Lastly, I pounded some (free-range organic) chicken thighs until they were flattish in between plastic wrap. I prefer thighs because they are more flavorful and juicy.
Poultry abuse therapy

Come fry time, I seasoned the thighs first with my version of 11 (more like 6) herbs and spices and then dipped them in buttermilk before dredging them in lightly salted flour and baking powder (1 tsp/cup of flour).

Then I just fried them in an inch of peanut oil, turning them a couple of times until they looked like…well, like something from KFC. Then I drained them and sprinkled on a bit of extra seasoning.
What isn't good deep-fried?

Assembly is pretty obvious. I suppose I could have added a couple slices of bacon and cheese, but I felt that would have pushed my “sandwich” from somewhat outrageous to wanton gluttony. Instead I added a side of collard greens to give the illusion of a balanced meal and to add some Southern cred.
Not easy to eat in the car.  Oh well.

So how’d I do? What would you like to see sandwiched between two breasts? I have some ideas, myself. It’s impossible to write about the Double Down without resorting to such obvious jokes so I will not apologize.  But seriously, if there's anything you want me to make, deep-fried or not, lemme know.

This Is Why I'm (getting) Fat

Yes, I’ve even eaten Domino’s Three Cheese Mac-N-Cheese. I hate myself.

If mac & cheese is on a restaurant menu, I will order it. In my mind I rationalize eating such a rich and caloric dish as my duty in the never ending search for the platonic ideal of macaroni and cheese, but in truth I just like cheese and noodles in almost any form (as evinced by my previous post).

I enjoy my boxed Kraft almost as much as my own recipe, which until recently was béchamel sauce with tons of cheese and maybe a little roasted garlic and a pinch of dried mustard. It’s pretty good but the quality changes based on what cheese I have on hand and how much I decide to use. Sometimes I overheat the cheese or use too much of it which can make the proteins coagulate which results in a grainy sauce.

I always tell myself to keep track of my hits and misses so that I can get consistent results but it’s like, how consistent can a “cup of grated cheese” be from one time to the next? So recently I bought a kitchen scale and set about to make my cooking more uniform. It makes a big difference and it only cost $20. I highly suggest getting one.

Lynn Rossetto Casper: my new culinary muse, I guess

And then I heard mention of a mac & cheese recipe on “The Splendid Table” cooking show on public radio. When it comes to a dish as routine as this, I tend to pooh-pooh recipes so but the technique was different and the host spoke of it so glowingly. The recipe takes a custard approach to bind the pasta as opposed to the starch-driven béchamel style plus she uses cream cheese to help keep it smooth.

I was skeptical so I decided to make a version of each keeping all ingredients the same otherwise. In the béchamel version, I didn’t use cream cheese and instead added an equal amount of Monterey Jack.

Egg version on the left - can't you tell?

At a friend’s soiree, people said they enjoyed both equally, but the béchamel version went more quickly. The flavors were similar but I found the béchamel version to be gummy while with the other one the sharpness of the cheese was more prominent. I liked the custard version better. I don’t know why people finished off the other one first. Maybe it was in a prettier dish. More likely they were too drunk to care.

My friends are less discerning in party mode

I also like how the custard version holds its shape better. It makes for prettier serving. Lastly, this method is much less time intensive. You put everything in a blender, pour it over pasta, bake. Easy, peasy. My only problem was the amount of raw onion called for in the Splendid Table recipe made both versions overpoweringly oniony. Me not like.

So I set about to come up with a more definitive version that would allow for flexibility and not give you dragon breath. Here are the basic rules:

• For every half pound of dried pasta add use half a pound of sharp cheeses – a blend of aged cheddar, Asiago, gruyere, etc. Whatever floats your boat.
• For each half pound of dried pasta, use one cup of milk, one egg and four ounces of a creamy, smooth cheese, i.e. cream cheese, Fontina, or even Velveeta. I also add a little dried mustard, a bit of paprika and/or cayenne and a clove of raw or roasted garlic.
• If I’m feeling sassy, I’ll toss in a nugget of blue cheese for a little extra punch.
• Where the Splendid Table version uses 3/4 of a raw onion, I just use half and sauté it beforehand to get the stink out.
• Elbow macaroni works best. Its thinner skinned than the traditional pasta shapes which makes for a more tender bite. It’s more Amurican.

Cheese smoothie!

Blend everything together, mix it with cooked pasta in a casserole dish, then top it with more cheese and bread crumbs and bake until nicely crusted.

What could be better than this?

It’s the best mac & cheese I’ve made by far. I think the starch in the béchamel dampens the cheese flavor whereas this version heightens it. Or maybe it's good because I finally used a scale and got some consistency. Or maybe I’m talking out my butt and I owe my thanks to the cloying-voiced lady on public radio for providing such a good recipe. Ugh. No, it’s got to be the scale.

Please share your thoughts on the subject. I love discussing macaroni and cheese almost as much as I love eating it.

I Suck

Imagine a mushy, more orange version of this crammed into a styrofoam cup.
I went to a potluck party tonight and brought two pints of Kentucky Fried Chicken macaroni and cheese.

I have no excuse. I am a terrible, terrible person. I am ashamed.

That said, everyone ate it.

Mac & Cheese(ish)

One of the first things I learned how to cook was Kraft™ Macaroni & Cheese. As an adolescent, I would make a box of it after school and eat it straight out of the pot with a wooden spoon while watching “Dick Van Dyke Show” reruns. Even though the cheese powder is a bright orange that doesn’t occur in nature, I still hold a special place in my heart for this American staple.

Since then, I’ve graduated to real macaroni and cheese – pasta with béchamel sauce blended with a mix of sharp and mild cheddar, a healthy dose of blue cheese and a teaspoon of mustard powder. But I would argue that the foodstuff that comes in the blue and white box is not macaroni and cheese but rather, Kraft™ Macaroni & Cheese. To compare the two is like comparing apples and Apple Jacks – they’re completely different entities. Apples only served as an inspiration for Apple Jacks. And I should also mention that no other packaged mac and cheese comes close to Kraft’s. I’ve had everything from Velveeta to Trader Joe’s to Kroger’s but none of them can match the sweetish/processed cheese taste of the sauce or the slippery, almost mushy, texture of the pasta.

Still, I restrict my consumption of Kraft Mac & Cheese mostly to hangovers and sickness. I don’t need the MSG (though I ain’t agin it) and all that orange food coloring can’t be good for you. Plus, it’s kinda pricey. I was at the market a while ago and it was on sale: 3 boxes for 4 dollars. I thought, “Damn! I remember when it was 3 for a dollar!” A split second later, I realized that I’m an old man. All I needed to complete the picture was a cane that I could shake in my clenched fist. “Why in my day…”

But this past Sunday I was at Target in the bargain bulk section (I didn’t know that was a section either) and they had various Kraft products on sale – 4 packs for $2.39. In fact, Kraft offers 33 different Macaroni & Cheese products, everything from Easy Mac to Bistro Deluxe Creamy Portobello Mushroom Mac & Cheese. That day Target had three different offerings – Thick & Creamy, Spirals & Cheese and Whole Grain. I figured that for $.60 a box, I could relive my youth. How could I not buy it? But the Thick & Creamy sounded disgusting and the Spirals & Cheese had half an ounce less pasta than the other boxes so I was forced to go with the Whole Grain. Plus, because it’s made with 50% whole grain (shouldn’t they call it Half Grain?), it’s healthy, right? I get 5 grams of fiber per serving, gosh darn it! Never mind the 590mg of salt and all that sodium tripolyphosphate.

Long story short, in the past three days I’ve eaten three boxes of Whole Grain Macaroni & Cheese (think of all that fiber!). It’s almost indistinguishable from the regular stuff - the pasta’s slightly grainier - and the bright orange sauce hasn’t changed a bit. Of course, everybody augments their mac and cheese a bit – a few dashes of Tabasco, bread crumbs, a can of tuna, etc. Me, I toss in a handful of whatever cheese is at hand. Today it was a little mozzarella and some asiago.

Good And here’s my big secret: a giant blop of salsa on the side. I take a bit of cold salsa and hot pasta in every bite. It may sound gross but it’s actually totally boss. A mix of temperatures, textures and flavors (see McDLT). Still sounds gross? Try it on New Year’s Day or some other post-drinking morning. I guarantee it will taste like manna from heaven. Especially with a leftover beer. Better