I'm a Sucker.

I am not immune to marketing pressures. I’m sure you’ve seen the ads on TV, too. The one with the little cows and the little cowboys. Yes, I’m talking about Jack in the Box’s Mini Sirloin Burgers. It’s not that it’s a good commercial – using little people for cheap laughs ain’t cool – but there’s something irresistible about those cute little burgers. And I don’t even really eat hamburgers that often, let alone mini ones (I blame you, Eric Schlosser).

Though they’ve been around since the 1920s, over the past couple years mini-burgers, often called sliders, have become the hottest trend in ground beef cuisine. Even Thomas Keller serves a Wagyu beef version for fifteen bucks at his Bouchon Bakery. Or you can get them for a third of that at good ol’ Jack in the Box.

Earlier this year Burger King released Burger Shots, their version of sliders, but I went with Jack in the Box. One reason is that the Mini Sirloins look tastier. Jack in the Box, by and large, has better tasting menu items, i.e., more deep fried things and more stuff with bacon, and they make stuff to order. Also, it turns out that “sirloin burgers” isn’t just some marketing term. Turns out all sirloin burgers at Jack in the Box are actually made with ground sirloin, the steak-y part of the cow. The Burger Shots could be made from cow lips and butt for all I know.

I know people who won’t eat at Jack in the Box ever since four kids died from E.coli-tainted burgers in 1993. My feeling is that after that tragic debacle, Jack in the Box should be the safest place to get a burger. Since implementing the most rigorous food safety system in the industry, it probably is. So when I’m bored with In-N-Out, I’ll occasionally go to “the Box,” as the kids call it.

So yesterday, after passing a billboard, I caved and found myself in the drive-through line at my local “the Box” (actually, I have no idea what the kids call it). Not surprisingly, the mini-burgers are less cute when you see them congealing in a little cardboard tray and they smell strongly of ketchup. Not a great first impression.

Served in the Burger Coffin

I miss Clara Peller

The bun seems rather thick relative to the daintiness of the beef patty, too. It comes topped with ketchup (duh), a couple shards of barely grilled onions, and a scrap of American cheese.

Ate it anyway

Upon the first bite, I was immediately hit with an assertive beefy flavor. Must be that sirloin! The bun is pretty doughy and chewy (in a pleasant way). A little on the sweet side but I like it. As a whole, the burger is a little dry and it could use less ketchup and more (any) mustard. Plus, the two wimpy bits of onion don’t make much of an impression. But what really turned me off was gummy and decidedly un-cheeselike American cheese. Jack in the Box boasts on their site that their Swiss cheese is all natural. Their American cheese clearly is not. I ate it anyway.

All in all, it’s not bad. The quality of the beef and bun make it worth eating. I’d probably order it again except with extra onions, Swiss cheese and mustard. But probably not anytime soon since after I ate it, I stupidly looked up the nutritional information: 748 calories, 29 grams of fat and over 1600 mg of sodium. I know it’s hypocritical of me, the guy who just ate an entire box of mac & cheese for lunch, to complain about calorie overload. But if I’m going to debase my body with food, I want it to taste a heck of a lot better than a Mini Sirloin Burger. So props to you, Jack, for fooling me with your clever marketing. I won’t be so easily seduced by your new Mini Buffalo Ranch Chicken sandwiches. Mmm…Buffalo Ranch…